Somehow life always seems to throw obstacles in the way of what should be the "simple" path to happiness.  Every once in a while though, life drops some of these obstacles along the path toward misery and loneliness too, and somehow we manage to get off of that path and head towards something a lot more favorable.

     I'd spent so long wandering down that long, lonely path that I was convinced that I'd walk it forever.  There was a brief period when I wandered from the path and found myself happy and content for a while, but somehow the path found me again.  Being back on the path made me more jaded, more cynical, more withdrawn, and ultimately more lonely.  I was surrounded by very dear friends and a loving family, but even in a crowd of people who cared- I was alone. 

     When I had all but given up hope, I heard a sound.  A sound I'd heard many times before, and usually ignored, and a sound that usually signaled news that was far from important.  The sound was a simple beep, from a simple phone, saying that I'd received an email, on an account I'd forgotten I  had,  from a person I thought I'd never see again.  That one simple beep is now my favorite sound.

     Not long ago I wrote that I'd found my Muse.  She'd come back into my life from the past and given me the inspiration that I'd lost for so long. She and I met when we were very young, and even at such a young age I knew she was someone that deserved to be loved and cared for.  Sadly, as with so many young romances, the adult world separated us and kept us apart for nearly two and a half decades.  Although our lives took different paths, our situations were not all that different.  When we reconnected after all the years we'd missed, I started feeling things I thought I couldn't anymore.  I started feeling... Happy.

    Feeling happy, however, had a price-  I was alone, and she wasn't.  At first, that really didn't matter.  I was sure that just being in her life (again) was so great that I'd never need more.  I kept my feelings to myself, with only a hint (and not entirely intentional, either) that I might want more.  I told only my closest and most trusted friend of my feelings, and only because if I hadn't then surely I would've burst.  Everything was great until one day, I heard a sound.  A sound I'd never heard before, and a sound that I hope to never hear again.  A sound that hurt so much to hear that made want to rush to her, wrap my arms around her, and promise to make everything okay.  That sound was her, my Muse, crying.

     To hear someone you care about crying is a terrible sound, but to hear someone you care about crying while you're trapped miles away and unable to be near her is unbearable.  It pained me to hear it, and it was horrible that I couldn't even spend any more than a few minutes trying to console her.  It affected me so much that my ability to keep my feelings to myself went away and although I knew it may not have been a wise decision- I did the only thing I could think of.  I was honest with her and told her the truth about how I felt.

     Thankfully, she didn't turn and run the other way. 

     Each day it gets closer to the next time I'll see her smile, the next time I'll hear her laugh, the next time I'll hug her, and the next time I can look into those beautiful eyes and without even speaking, know that just because she's in my life- I'll be happy.

     Until I can be with her again, I'll think of her.  When I think of her, I'll just smile. 
     And when the moment's right I'll find the right words to tell her all of the thoughts I've been trying to put into words and just couldn't figure out how.