I can’t really say when it happened, but I’ve recently discovered that the recent changes in my life have really caused me to think about my past, present, and future. 

     My past is something that I look back on to see and recognize mistakes I’ve made in an earnest effort to NEVER repeat them.  I’m well aware that I can’t repair the past, but I’m also aware that the damage that poor decisions in the past are ultimately repairable with the right amount of time and patience, and the ability to accept fault and understand that the errors of the past are avoidable in the future.
     I’m human and rather flawed as a result.  I used to try to hide my flaws, both physical and emotional.  It worked for a while, but how long can a bald man wear a baseball cap?  Perhaps as long as that same man can hide his insecurities and fears.  He can hide them as long as feels the need to lie to himself in order to appear less flawed to others.  Just as the wind blows that cap off of the bald man’s head, the insecurities and fears will eventually show through.

     My present shows a promising future, in part because I’ve learned from the past.  I know now that some of my insecurities can be kept a secret, but some must be brought out into the open.  The same goes for some fears, since the only way to conquer some fears is to make them known and face them with the help of those that care enough about you to want to see you happy. 

     My future holds a bit of uncertainty, but that’s not anything that should be a surprise.  Anyone who can say that they have a certain future is (in my opinion) a little delusional or a little clairvoyant.  The most wonderful thing about the future is its ability to be shaped by the present and the past.  Learn from your past to make good decisions in the present, and you’ll be able to guide your future in the direction you want it to go.  You can’t predict the future, but you can surely affect it.

     I used to think that I was going to be perfectly content with just being single, spending time with family and friends, working for a living, and learning everything I can about how to be a good father.
     Being a bachelor had advantages, like never having to justify where I was going or when I’d be back, never having to miss out on a good time with my friends because she wanted to do something, never having to answer to anyone when I decide to spend a few bucks on something useless.  That was what I believed, briefly at least.  As it turns out, none of those things meant anything to me.  Not even a little bit.
     I was lonely, and I didn’t like it.  I was surrounded by friends and family, but I was missing something.  I was missing “her”, but I didn’t know where she was or how to find her.  I learned that I like having someone that wants to know where I am, I like being with someone who wants to be with me, and I like having someone to warn me if I’m about to do something stupid or spend money on something I’ve got no business buying.  I like being important to someone that is just as important to me.  In short, I like being in love and being loved. 

     Now before you go putting words in my mouth, let me first say that I’m not currently in love with anyone.  I will say that there’s someone in my life that is extremely important to me and that I care very deeply about.  I can even go so far as to say that if circumstances were to allow it, yes… I’m sure I could easily find myself in love with her.  She truly is wonderful and only a fool would disagree but, as I’ve recently learned, everything in life happens (and doesn’t) for a reason and we are all here for a purpose.  While I don’t know all of those reasons, I do know that (at least for right now) my purpose is to be supportive, helpful, and above all else: respectful. 
     I’ve been in love before, and I know that to be in it again isn’t something to be taken for granted.  It’s the kind of thing you wait for, work for, and hope for.  I know that when the time is right, I will be in that place again and hopefully with someone that feels the same way as me;  Someone who’s willing to accept me, my flaws, and my love for them and someone who is ready to let me love them as well.
     That time will come on its own, and I’m more than willing to wait for it.  I’ve got no reason to rush.

     My future is here, and more of it gets here every day.  I’m finally ready for it.