Today’s episode actually starts a few days ago, but that’s not all that important, since the days aren’t specified anywhere in our journey.  You’d think they would be, so that you readers would have some idea of chronology.  Hmmm… It’s something to consider.  I’ll get right on that with the writing staff.  Please stand by.

______________________________(insert dramatic pause here) ______________________________

     Okay, we’re back and I see that you’re still here!  That’s great.  Listen, I talked to the writing staff, and I agreed that since I intend to make important chronological events easy enough to figure out, I’m not going to mention what day it is unless the specific day has some sort of relevance.  Got it?  Good.  Now, moving on with our story…

     As I said (for those of you who were paying attention), today’s story begins like most every other day.  Our hero, tired from a night of saving the world, awakens from what was probably an amazing dream about a girl he’ll never get.  Groggy, still mostly asleep, and not really aware of his surroundings, he gets out of bed and walks into the bathroom.  A quick splash of cold water on the face and he’s suddenly alert enough to realize that today will be just like every other day.  First, a quick shower and a less quick (but more careful) shave.  Next, a snack (a packet of dinosaur fruit snacks), then the search for the wallet and keys, and after a quick check of the thermostat, he walks to the car for the long trip to work.  All the way there Our Hero ponders calling in sick, but he can’t.  He’s already going to be late, and he’s got paperwork that he doesn’t want to do anyway.  Besides, someone else probably called out, and he’s going to have twice as much to anyway.  Finally, after nearly an hour on the road (and all of Robin’s news on the Howard Stern Show) he arrives at work only to be greeted by the Angry Stupid.  The Angry Stupid? Yup, that’s what I said.

     The Angry Stupid (since I know you’re all dying to know more about them) is the name for the people that Our Hero dreads dealing with.  You see, they’re not just stupid (which he could deal with) or just angry (which he could also deal with) but they’re angry BECAUSE they’re stupid.  You can’t reason with them, since they lack the mental capacity to be reasoned with.  You can’t argue with them, since an argument is only good when you’ve got an adversary who can fight back with some sort of logical opposition to your point of view.  Look down! It’s a Blurb!  Get used to it, it’s the first of many, I like them and I’m the author.

Argue

Main Entry: ar·gue
Pronunciation: 'är-(")gyü
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): ar·gued; ar·gu·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French arguer to reprove, argue & Latin arguere to demonstrate, prove; Anglo-French arguer, from Latin argutare to prate, frequentative of arguere; akin to Hittite arkuwai- to plead, respond
intransitive verb
1 : to give reasons for or against something : REASON <argue for a new policy>
2 : to contend or disagree in words : DISPUTE <argue about money>
transitive verb
1 : to give evidence of : INDICATE <the facts argue his innocence>
2 : to consider the pros and cons of : DISCUSS <argue an issue>
3 : to prove or try to prove by giving reasons : MAINTAIN <asking for a chance to argue his case>
4 : to persuade by giving reasons : INDUCE <couldn't argue her out of going>
synonym see DISCUSS
- ar·gu·er /-gy&-w&r, -gyü-&r/ noun

     Every once in a while I’ll throw some of them in there for you.  I’m sure you all know what it means to argue, but I like to put fancy stuff in there.  Yes, you can click on the pictures of the speakers to learn how to pronounce the words.  Isn’t that awesome?  Sure it is, but that’s not why we’re here, is it.  Nope.  Let’s get back on topic, no?

     Before the blurb, we we’re talking about the Angry Stupid.  I was saying how Our Hero has to deal with them at work, and how he just doesn’t understand how people like that can be allowed to be a part of polite society.  He feels as if they should just be quarantined or put in some sort of penal (heh heh heh, he said “penal”) colony somewhere. (Please excuse the lapse of maturity contained in that last parenthetical.  It shouldn’t happen again.)  One would think that the Angry Stupid would be a group that would be relatively small in numbers, but sadly their number is growing at a surprising (if not alarming) rate.  Scary, but true!  So, who are they?  They’re a group of people with no real goals or purpose other than to vex and annoy people like Our Hero.  They invent reasons to argue, and spend hours each day trying to convince themselves that their flawed logic and asinine point of view makes sense to others, in the hopes that they’ll convince others to give them something they don’t deserve and wouldn’t otherwise get.  Here’s an example of the Angry Stupid.  This conversation actually took place between Our Hero and a customer:

It should be mentioned at this point that our hero is the manager of a tool rental center at a large home improvement center.  This department is in charge of renting trucks so customers can bring large purchases home or to the job site.  Keep in mind, that in Our Hero’s home state of New Jersey (and the other 49 states, as well) a driver’s license is required to operate one of these trucks and to rent them as well.

Customer: I need to rent a truck

Our Hero: Ok, I need your driver’s license and proof of insurance and a credit card.

Customer: What the hell do you need my license for? 

Our Hero: Because that’s the policy, ever rental needs a license and a credit card.  See the sign?  (He points to a huge sign on the wall, clearly stating the truck rental policy)

Customer: I don’t give a shit what the sign says; I ain’t givin’ you my damned license.

Our Hero: Okay, well, then I’m not renting you the truck. It’s not a big deal for me at all.

Customer: Like hell you ain’t.  You’re gonna rent me the damned truck because I’m the customer, and the customer is always right.

Our Hero: Sure, no worries.  So, I need your driver’s license and proof of insurance and a credit card, but you knew that. (He says with a smirk)

Customer: I told you I ain’t showin’ you my damned license; now let’s get this shit going. I ain’t got time to fuck with you no more.

Our Hero: Sir, please stop swearing, there’s children around and they don’t need to hear that kind of talk.  Clearly, you have no respect for me or my rules, but at least show the other people here some courtesy and mind how you speak in front of their kids.  And I’m not telling you again that I need your license.  If you won’t show it, I won’t rent you the truck.  It’s just that simple.

Customer:  Listen asshole, you better call a manager right now.  This is bullshit and I will get you fired for this.

Our Hero: Wow, you really want me to call a manager?  You realize that I will, and I’ll explain the situation to him, and he’ll probably make fun of you as we both ask you to leave the store.

Customer: Yes, I want you to call him.

Store Manager: Is there a reason you won’t show (Our Hero) your license?

Customer: He don’t need it, and I don’t have to show him.

Store Manager: You’re right, he doesn’t need it.  You can’t rent the truck.  Have a nice day.

Customer: What? You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me?

Store Manager:  Keep swearing and I’ll have you escorted out, have a nice day.

Customer: This is bullshit; I’m callin’ the home office.

Store Manager: Come with me sir, or I’ll call the police.

The customer in that exchange was probably the most shining example of the Angry Stupid.  It really happened, and it’s happened more than once.